literature

Paint the World Black (Gamzee x Reader)

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Published: Jul 8, 2013

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Literature Text

A/N: Didn't have room for it in the title, but just so everyone is aware, this is Sober!Gamzee x Reader Sadstuck. That will be all. Thank you.

Remember when you loved me?

You're too scared to remember your name. You know it in the back of your mind, but conjuring it up on purpose would use valuable energy better spent on not quaking in terror. Now is not the time for names, it is not the time for memories; it is the time to take a deep breath and accept your fate.

Your name is (f/n) (l/n), and you are probably going to die.

Unzipping your backpack slowly and carefully, you examine the contents to make sure they're still safe. They are. When you close it again, you notice your fingers are trembling. You take your gaze up to Karkat when you see that.

In the very deepest part of your heart, the black little bit you never let anyone see, you hate Karkat. Because he could have taken your spot in what you're about to do. He should have, after everything he's screwed up. Gamzee is his moirail. But apparently, the shoosh paps don't work anymore. And you're Gamzee's matesprit. Human. Expendable. Clearly, even with everything you've tried, none of the trolls care enough about you to take your place.

{Flashback}

"We need someone to give Gamzee the Faygo and sopor pie," Karkat winces. "And make sure he eats it. It's not an option, we can't risk losing anyone else."

"I'll do it," you say quietly, eyes cast down onto the floor. You're always quiet, only speaking when you have to, only talking to those who notice you. And somehow, amazing, wonderful Gamzee noticed you. You love him so much, you just want him back.

The mutant troll nods, glancing back at Gamzee's refrigerator. "You know where everything is, (f/n)." His voice isn't soft, it's never soft, but he doesn't sound angry... maybe the slightest bit worried.

{Timeskip}

You're biting your lip; you haven't spoken since you volunteered, just nodding at whatever anyone tells or asks you. Which mostly seems to be making sure you're alright. Karkat hasn't said anything to you since, just confirming to you that despite the fact that he's Gamzee's moirail, he really doesn't care about you. When has he shown anything different?

So it's quite to your surprise when he comes to sit next to you, even if he doesn't look at you. Which is okay, because you keep your eyes glued to the floor. "Are you... sure you want to do this?"

This question is startling enough to you that you look up at him, unable to find words. Finally, after a long moment of just staring, you can answer, "I... I don't..." You don't finish the phrase; you can't. Sheer, awful terror just washes over you, and you let out a little sob. Who wouldn't be scared in a situation like this?

For a moment, you wonder if--- maybe even hope that--- Karkat is going to tell you he'll take your place. From an outside perspective, you definitely seem to be in a bad state. "You'll do fine, (f/n)," he just says, though. You shouldn't have hoped. You knew he would disappoint you, just like he did everyone else. And he didn't even tell you that you'll be fine, because only god knows if that'll happen. Just that you'll do fine.

And truthfully, if you actually take the time to think about it? Just the tiniest bit, you hate Karkat Vantas.

{End flashback}

The door is shoved open and the few trolls left go silent; Karkat, Kanaya, Terezi. It's nighttime, big surprise, so it's dark. The muggy, humid air from outside begins to flow into the room, bringing with it the sound of your love. A quiet honk, and then an immensely loud one.

You glance at the three next to and across from you, giving each one a long gaze that very well could be your last. Karkat, you linger on, putting into that look everything you know you'd never be able to put into words. Then you stand, unzipping the backpack slowly and carefully. "Gamzee," you say softly.

"(f/n)," he smiles. There's barely any light, but you know he's smiling. You know him all too well. "WHAT THE MOTHERFUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE."

"I'm your matesprit, Gam," you answer, still quiet. Taking small steps closer, trying to ignore the bloody clubs in his hands. "Why wouldn't I be here?" How is your voice not shaking?

"What is in the pack?" Gamzee asks, voice soft again. These volume fluctuations are doing absolutely nothing for you. "TELL ME WHAT IS IN THE MOTHERFUCKING PACK!"

You shakily draw out a bottle of Faygo and the pie. "P-please, Gam. I-I know you don't want to hurt me, and I n-need you to eat these." There would be the shaking and stuttering, tears beginning to drip down your face. "P-please, for me."

He almost looks like he's considering it for a moment before he knocks the pastry and bottle out of your hands with a club, staining your hands with some color you can't make out in the dark. "Un-motherfucking-likely, sis."

All this time, you're careful not to look back at the trolls behind you. Maybe, just maybe, he'll leave them alone. They can escape. So you stretch on your tiptoes to give Gamzee a kiss, teary and full of regret and sadness. "I trust you."

With that being said, a shove pushes you away from him, a club to your back brings you onto your hands and knees, and another club, this time to the head, paints the world black. And you know as you're slipping away that he will be adding your bright red blood to his rich tapestry of colors.

I remember too.

Request for ~spiritcreator, she asked for some Gamzee x Reader. I'M SORRY DEAR, I SADSTUCKED, I HOPE YOU STILL LIKE IT

Gogdamn you have no idea how long it took me to track down who asked for that. -_-"

Requests are currently closed, but they will open up once I finish the Vriska x Reader I was asked for and chapter five of my ever-growing Sollux x Reader story. c: